Police Taser's used in Badger Cull
The desire for the police to use tasers on everything that moves has been put to good use.
They are to be used in the execution of badgers. Badgers, as you know, have been targeted to get the good news as they have been held responsible for the spread of disease to cattle.
The evidence points to badgers frequenting council estates where they feed on the leftover "wife beater" lager cans that decorate these places. Drinking what is left in the can turns them into underclass animals that have an inflated opinion of themselves. They think they are more than what they are and this has led to problems within the badger community.
A lot of the older male badgers have taken to shagging cows. This is the cause of the disease Ovine-badger-clap, or scientifically known as Soarus-cowsflapius. The badgers have been seen to run at full speed and leap into the air - cock first - and attempt to spear the unsuspecting cow that has her head in the grass.
A Minster for the Environment said: "Allowing cops to get their taser frustrations out of their system is a good thing."
A spokesperson for the blind said, "Thank fuck for that!"
The numbers of badgers has fallen significantly. There were also reports of a midget in a Newcastle United football shirt suffering from shock as he was the target of an over enthusiastic PC who really "should have gone to Specsavers".
The PC has incidentally been removed from all duties that require a modicum of thought and has been reassigned to the gates at the front of Downing Street.
The spokesbadger, for the badger community were unavailable for comment.